A Year Goes By...

I wanted to write yesterday but I couldn't find the words. I wanted to sing yesterday but I couldn't hear the music. I wanted to dance yesterday but I couldn't wear the shoes.

So much goes on in a year. People move. Babies are born. Holidays memories are made. Vacations here and there. Through all of this, we grow and we heal from past hurts. Yesterday, I was hurting... even though I had healed a great deal in the past year, I was still hurting.

It's been a year since my grandfather passed away. A whole year. It seems like it was just yesterday that my sister, nephew, and I were driving home from her work conference. It seems like it was just yesterday that my mom went to the neurologist with my grandparents to get the diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease. But that isn't the diagnosis they got. What started out as a pretty good day, turned extremely sad and scary at the same time. That was November 3.

The doctors kept saying they were sorry. There wasn't much they could do. You'll have him for Thanksgiving, but never by Christmas. That's what they kept saying. And they were right. We celebrated my grandmother's birthday on the 19th, and then Thanksgiving on the 24th. We spent every day with my grandfather... at least for a little while. We listened to him. We sat with him. We watched him sleep.

The day he passed was a Sunday and we were there with him. My sister and I helped our Aunt Pat give him a bath that morning. He just didn't look like himself. Aunt Pat kept saying he wouldn't want to be there like that. So we helped with his bath and then Larea cut his hair and I shaved him. By the time we were finished this morning, he looked like my Poppa again.

I still see his face and hear his breathing. I remember that last breath like it were my own. The release of life is so sweet and yet so heartbreaking at the same time. I knew the moment he passed. I knew the exact moment he was gone. My sister did... and my father did, too. We all felt it inside of us. It was like a weight lifting off of us because we knew he was home.

Not one day goes by that my thoughts do not drift to him. I'm healing though. Slowly... I am healing. Another year will go by before I know it and I will be faced with the same sadness that I am facing now. But it will get better. They say "This too shall pass." I believe that. The pain and the hurt will pass, but the love and the memories will last forever.

Day 22: I Am Thankful For...

November 22: I am thankful for my dad and my mom.

 

(Have you ever seen a more handsome man? Or a woman more beautiful than her? 

I haven't... but my sister comes pretty close)

I see so much of my parents in me. I see little bits of their humor and I see some of their strengths and weaknesses. I see my mother's eyes and my father's hair. I have a little bit of my mom's personality, but I have a lot of my dad's attitude. I walk just like my daddy, especially when I'm in a hurry. I have my momma's habit of biting our nails. There are so many little things that I get from my parents that make me who I am. And I am so thankful for those little things.

Even more than the bits of them that are in me, I am thankful to have them as parents. My mom and dad are such amazing people. I have never known anyone else to have a heart like they do. They give so much... more than they should really. And they love so much... with all their hearts. I don't know how they did it, raising three children in their early twenties. Hell, I sometimes shy away from the idea of raising a kid now and I'm 33.

I could go on forever talking about how special my daddy made me feel at marching band competitions when he'd yell "Go Buzzy!" before our show opened. Or "That's my girl!!" when I'd actually win the trophy. I could ramble on for hours talking about how warm my momma makes my heart feel just by being there for me. How my eyes tear up every time I hear the song "I'll Be" by Reba McIntire or "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift. For some reason, those songs make me feel my momma's love so much more, whatever time of day I listen to them. I could go on and on talking about how they were both there for me in my darkest days... how they held my hand and helped me out of so many holes I had dug myself into. I could talk about how much they mean to me for a lifetime. They truly are the most wonderful people I know... and I love so much that I call them Daddy and Momma.

Day 21: I Am Thankful For...

November 21: I am thankful for my nephew.

There is not one day that goes by that I don't smile, laugh, and feel true happiness. I'm not saying that my life is only happy because of this little dude, but he sure does make the sun shine a little brighter. 

Years ago, before Nolan came along, I wasn't so sure that I was kid-friendly at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure my entire family was thinking I wouldn't have much to do with this kid. If you knew me back then, you'd probably say they were right. I was not good with kids. I don't think any kid really liked me either. LOL. Then comes along this little boy... and he stole my heart completely. 

I'm so thankful for every moment I get to spend with him. I'm even thankful for the fits he throws from time-to-time because that means that I have him in my life. And that makes my life so special. I love him so much, and I'm pretty sure he's fond of me, too. :)

Day 20: I Am Thankful For...

November 20: I am thankful for my sister.

 

I love this picture so much. In this one photograph, you can see the laughter and the friendship we share. Sometimes I take for granted what she means to me. Growing up, we weren't very close. In fact, there were times when I didn't like her much at all. These days, I don't know what I would ever do without her. People say that the bond between sisters is so much more than a friendship and I believe that now. She and I can complete each others' sentences. We have the same thoughts, at the same time. Some people think we are twins. Though we are not, we still have those moments that make no sense... but make perfect sense. I love my sister more than words could ever say. She makes me smile... she makes me laugh... and she makes me proud to be her friend. She's so great! 

I love you, Rea. You're such an amazing woman, mother, and friend. 

Day 19: I Am Thankful For...

November 19: I am thankful for my brother.

 

There are so many days when he gets on my last nerve... but I am so thankful to have him in my life. 

Growing up, we were the best of friends. I talked to him about everything. We were so close. As time has passed us, we have grown apart a little. I miss that closeness we used to have. We don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things... and that's okay. We just have to agree to disagree. I have to say, though, that close or not he is still one of the most important people in my life. And I love him so much. 

Day 18: I Am Thankful For...

November 18: I am thankful for my grandmother.

 

I have one living grandparent left. This time last year, I was thankful for every breath my grandfather took because I knew that meant he was still with me. He was still with us. After Thanksgiving last year, my grandfather passed away.  It was a Sunday afternoon and my family had spent the whole day there with him. We tried to spend a little time every day with him. I guess losing him last year made me realize just how much family means to me. I mean... I already knew my family was amazing and I knew we were unlike most families these days. But it had been so long since we had had a loss so great. Losing the patriarch of my mother's family was hard. It's still hard. But I'm thankful for those days with him. 

I look at my grandmother and wonder how she gets through the days without my grandfather. She's so strong and she's so beautiful inside and out. I know there are days, moments when she is lonely and I know my grandfather has to be on her mind every day. 

I think I got a lot of my strength from her. Well... from my mother first... but ultimately from her. She's very wise and she's witty. I love her more than she knows and I have so much respect for her. And tomorrow is her birthday. So I'm wishing her another wonderful birthday with all my heart. Today, I'm just so thankful to have her in my life.

Day 17: I Am Thankful For...

November 17: I am thankful for wonderful friends.

I don't care what anyone says, everyone needs a friend... and mine are awesome!

I am so excited that I got to travel a lot this year with some really great friends. I made a lot of memories and share a lot of laughs. But there are some friends that I didn't get to travel with... and that's okay. They're still amazing people.

Crystal... my soul mate. You are the rainbow in my cloudy sky. You are the butter on my popcorn. You are the adult in my beverage. ;) Without you in my life, I am not sure where I would be. I know that things would be a lot different... I wouldn't really know me.

Beth... I'm so happy you are back in my life. Life has handed us a ton of ups and downs. But you know, through it all we have gotten stronger. Our friendship has become stronger. And I'm so happy to have your friendship.

Casey!!!!!!! Where are you? I have not seen you in forever. Doesn't matter though, you know how we work. You have been a great person in my life and you always will be. I'm coming to see you soon, little momma. I know you can't get out of the house much so I must come to you. :)

* Must Get Photo Soon! *

Jennifer... What a trip we had to Vegas this year?! Thank you for thinking of me when you guys decided to go. I think we had a wonderful time and I know my life will be forever changed because of it. :)

Cameron... Our friendship continues to bloom. I have so much respect for you. More than you know. I cannot wait to get together and have a warm cup of life with you.

* Must Get Photo Soon! *

Aqua... Where have the days gone? It seems like only yesterday we were hanging out together on the band bus. I heart you. You're such a beautiful person inside and out.

* Must Get Photo Soon! *

Ashley, Kelly H, and Peggy... I never knew I could meet wonderful ladies through my work and develop a lasting friendship with them. Working with you three at Green River Fire School made me realize what wonderful ladies I work with. I'm happy I got roped into working that and I look forward to many more days spent with you three. I love you all! You're amazing women!

* Must Get Photo Soon! *

Robin M... I've already talked about you... but I'm thankful for our friendship. :)

Yankee... Meeting you has changed my life in many ways. NO. I am still NOT a Yankees fan. I don't think I'll ever be able to say that in my life. But you know what you mean to me. I know you know.

* Must Get Photo Soon! *

Libbi... I love our story. I love that we met through a mutual friend and have developed a friendship connection that means the world to me. I adore you. I'm so glad that I've gotten to see you TWICE this year!! I feel like such a lucky lady! I can't wait to visit you again.

Which brings me to Mary Jo... Your name may be at the end of this, but that has nothing to do with our friendship. I think I waited until the end for you because I have so much love for you that I cannot even begin to write the words. We have something special... I know you know what I mean. When I met you 12+ years ago, I knew we would be have forever together. Our friendship still amazes me. I wish I had the words... You are such an amazing woman, mother, wife, and friend. You mean the world to me.

To all my friends that I have not mentioned, you mean the world to me. I love you all!

Dad, Mom, Larea and Jeremy... your days are coming. I have special words for all of you.