That Chapter

Some years back... I met a guy.

I thought he was really great and quite possibly hung the moon. After heartbreak and then ultimately understanding, I grew to know the real man.

Today, I no longer love that man. I haven't loved him in a long time. And sometimes I wonder if it was ever real. I see things from our relationship that never fit quite right. And I remember how naive I'd been at one point, and then how foolish I were at another. But it was all there in black and white. I just never wanted to see it.

Lately, things have been resurfacing in my head. I don't know why that is... why now? It makes absolutely no sense at all to me. Maybe it's part of the whole soul-searching thing I've been doing. Maybe I have to address those feelings that have been suppressed for so long. Maybe I need to truly finish that chapter of my life. And maybe, just maybe, that will help me grow and accept love again. I'm hoping that I can turn the last page and open a new chapter of being me. 

Lazy Days

Sometimes life can be so hectic. We run constantly on coffee beans and energy drinks. Nowhere in my contract for life, did I agree to such insanities as ribbon cutting ceremonies, peeling twice from a single sunburn, or last minute throw together events. All of which have come together in less than one week.

Or so I thought.

Next weekend is our annual Independence Day party and preparations are in full swing. I'm exhausted already! I have been preparing myself for this event by laying around in my bed reading a good book and watching garbage on my DVR (such guilty pleasures, I must admit, as "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" and "Toddlers & Tiaras". LOL). It's been nice, though, to wind down from a really busy week while away on vacation and then back in the office.

Vacation, while looking ahead two weeks ago, seemed to not be long enough. So we added a day to the end of it. But while away and vacation in full swing, I was tired and kissed a little too much from the sun. And when you're sunburnt pretty badly, there's nothing for you to do but sit around inside away from the rays. So after that, I was ready to just get back to work and away from the sunshine until the burn sinks in.

 

Magaily and me at the park for Katelyn's birthday party

 

Riding along the coast with the top off of the jeep, the wind blowing through our hair, and the sun still beating down on us and the burns we already have from the beach...

 

My view when looking up from my seat in the Jeep while driving across the Bay St. Louis bridge

***

Once I got back home from my vacation, I felt the wrath of being gone a few days. I had a ton of things to do in the office for every day work, closing of fiscal year, and the ribbon cutting ceremony. Finally, everything came together and I can now breathe. The Ribbon Cutting Ceremony for our new training center went well. There were lots of people there and everything seemed to go as planned. There was a nice video clip on WBKO about it. Though, I think they got my boss's name wrong. LOL. I'm kind of surprised there weren't more mistakes than that, though. 

 

BGFD set the flag up for our ceremony. It's always so beautiful to see. Makes me so proud of the job I'm doing and the field that I work in. (Just wish the photo weren't a little crooked. LOL)

 

My father and I both work for the KY Fire Commission and State Fire Rescue Training. It was really great being able to experience this with him. 

 

This is my staff. Well, most of them. 

***

And now that all of that is over with, I can focus on yet another event... our party. It happens every year at the same time. Last year we had a change of venue. But this year, we're back at the house and we are ready to throw down a party! If you've been to one of our parties before, you know you're going to have a good time and eat way too much. I know there's still a lot to do. And I know that most of that to-do list will get done the morning of the party. But I know I can't wait to enjoy it all with my family and friends. 

***

So... for the rest of this weekend, I'm going to enjoy being lazy. I might finish up some laundry. But for the most part, I plan on doing absolutely nothing. And it's going to be great. 'Cause after all, tomorrow is another day... and it'll be filled with things to do.

Hamster Wheel

I lost myself a long time ago and haven't quite found my way back home. I thought that maybe I needed a little vacation. I was driving myself crazy sitting in one place. So I went on vacation. I went down south just knowing I would find that peace that I was looking for. But I didn't. I came home with that same empty feeling of not knowing what's going on inside of me.

I feel like I have so much to get out. I feel like if I just opened my mouth and let my thoughts escape me, I would feel so much better. But when I try that, nothing comes out. It's almost like the wheels are spinning but I'm going nowhere. I'm sure there's a clear answer to this, but I have yet to find it. Until I get off the wheel, I may not find it.

Maybe vacations aren't what I need. It's becoming obvious that escaping isn't the answer.

Things That Make You Think

I've been single for years. I think I'm happily single. I don't really know anymore.

I was trying to get some sleep last night when I rolled over and something hit me. It was like a ton of bricks...

Memories that hit you when you least expect it can be really hard. Relationship memories are hard. I know in my heart that that chapter of my life is over. And I'm truly okay with it. But that doesn't mean that a memory or two when I least expect it doesn't bring back the sadness. Last night, I missed him for the first time in years.

Why does that happen? Why now? I had successfully marked that off of my bucket list. I was happy that there weren't any of "those" feelings drifting around any longer. I was happy that we could co-exist as "Just Friends". And I still think we can. I still think that things will be fine, just like they have been. But it just makes me wonder why that happened.

And then there's the phone call.

My phone started ringing tonight while I was writing my last blog. When I turned to look at who it was, I was somewhat shocked to see his face. I let the phone ring and the voicemail pick up. There was a time when that never happened. I haven't talked to him in a long time. Since I've last seen him, he's moved away, gotten married, and had a baby. What could he possibly want? Why would he be calling? He and I share a memory that is so strong and powerful that I think about it a lot. I haven't called him back. It's always the same when I do. The same conversation, the same humor, the same old story.

I have to wonder why the memory last night, the phone call today. I have to wonder "why now?". Is this a sign? And if it is, what sign is it? What am I missing?

Summer Breeze

Summer is almost here. But the weather has been feeling like those dog days. It's been HOT! I've been enjoying the weather by driving with my windows down all the time. For a girl that grew up playing inside all summer long because of air conditioning, I've sure been enjoying the warmth, sunshine, and humidity. There's nothing like that warm wind blowing in the car windows while listening to some tropical tunes.

That warm weather has meant fun in the sun. Larea bought Nolan a Slip-N-Slide... and he did not like it. LOL. She tried to show him how to use it, but he wasn't having it. He just wanted to run through the water on the sides. 

After trying to convince him that it was so much fun, just try it... we gave up. So, we've found other means of fun besides that Slip-N-Slide. Today, Nolan helped me wash my car. I don't know why I have issues with car washes in town, but I do. I know my car isn't the best car out there. But I don't feel like it really cleans my car well. So every summer, I pull the car around back and scrub it from top to bottom with a wash cloth and an old toothbrush. No, it's never perfect. But it's clean. Today, Nolan helped me a lot. We scrubbed. We rinsed it off. We scrubbed. We rinsed it off. Then we played in the water. We sprayed water and then hooked the hose up to the sprinklers. Nolan had a blast running around in the water and drinking water from the sprinkler. And tonight, he showed me how great he was at shooting baskets. I was amazed watching him hit basket after basket on his basketball goal.

Nolan running after the ball

Dirty britches... they were wet and muddy... and he was having the time of his life!

He drank all of mom's tea... All of it...

He was so dirty from rolling around in the grass... and running back and forth with the basketball.

What could be better than this? Life is so good these days. I get to spend time with the best people ever and enjoy the memories as we make them.

Wrap Up...

I cannot believe it has been SO long since I've posted a blog. What a loser?! LOL. Add to that loser status by admitting the my Project 365 picture blog hasn't had a photo posted to it in ages. AND my Pinterest gets updated once in a blue moon. So much for keeping up with myself this year. I don't know why I put this on my yearly bucket list. I always tend to stray away.

So here's the wrap up...

Nolan had surgery in Louisville to remove his ear tube and the really bad bacteria (pseudomonas) growing there. But the tube had apparently fallen out already. The great doctor flushed his ear with antibiotics and put in a new tube. He was off from daycare and pre-school for an entire week with mom. A home health nurse had to come by once a day and give him his antibiotics through an IV. He did very well and the IV didn't come out at all. So proud of him for being a big boy.

Speaking of big boy, Nolan finished his 6 week session at the transitional pre-school at Cumberland Trace. In the meeting, Larea was told that Nolan was gifted. I totally believe that. That boy is so smart! Way to go, little buddy!

Another gifted person would be my brother, Jeremy. He passed all parts of his GED test and received his high school diploma! He scored very well. In fact, they told him he did better than most high school graduates today. I knew he was smart. He just wouldn't apply himself. LOL.

~So proud of my little brother!~

In other news, I found a great price on a plane ticket to see one of my best girls. I cannot be more happy! I'm flying to West Palm Beach, Florida next month! And more vaca news... I'm going to Mississippi in a couple of weeks.

Speaking of the beach... and enjoying myself... Crystal and I had the most fun last Saturday when we were inducted into the Parrothead family. For the first time ever, we went to see Jimmy Buffett in concert. And I must say it was the best concert I have ever attended. Now my brother is a huge Parrothead and I wish he would have gotten to go, too. But instead, he stayed home and listened to the concert live on Margaritaville radio. I used to joke about how obsessed he was with JB. But I totally get it. I haven't really listened to anything else in the past week. I've made mixed CDs of his songs that I purchased on iTunes immediately after posting concert pics to Facebook. LOL. AND... all the songs I didn't know the lyrics to before, I do now. I'm currently waiting on my FINS window decal to come in the mail and Jeremy to send over his books. Haha! It's just so tropical and it's really feel-good music. LOVED it! It's really too bad that Cincinnati is already sold out. But I hear he'll be back at JazzFest in N'awlins next spring. Hmmm... may have to check that out!

~Come Monday w/Mac McAnally and Kenny Chesney~

~Walking down the middle of Broadway during the Jimmy Buffett Street Party after the concert~

So that's about it for the wrap up. I hope everyone else is doing as well as I am. Because I truly believe... Life. Is. Good.