It's no secret that I'm not a very religious person. I believe that sometimes you just have to have faith. But I also believe that there should be proof. What makes the Bible any different from any other novel? Who says it's real? When I think about these questions or ask these questions I get the same answers over and over again... you just have to have faith in God and believe it.
I don't know what to believe and I don't know who is right. I just have to listen to myself and go with it. So does that mean that I'm wrong in what I believe? Does that mean that I'm lost or that I'm going to Hell? Is there a Heaven and a Hell? I don't know. I don't know what I believe. And that sort of scares me. Is religion what you make of it? Is it where you go to worship? How you worship? Or is it more of how you perceive what is the written word?
I don't know that I'm ready to fully investigate all of these questions. And I'm not sure I'm ready to give in to just believing without proof. But at least I'm asking questions about it. This weekend is a big weekend for religious buffs. I know what this weekend means. I know what Easter signifies. And I know the importance this holiday is for those that have faith. And believe it or not, it's important to me, too. The magnificence of what Easter means is beautiful and everlasting.
Easter is one of the only Sundays that I attend church. I go to my grandmother's church, the Methodist church we grew up going to. My parents believed in us making our own decisions toward Christ and accepting Him when we were ready. For that, I am grateful. For years, I have thought about His glory and His word. And I wonder when I will be able to fully accept Him. If I will ever be able to fully accept Him. And I know there must have been signs I had missed along the way. Everyone says there are signs. He gives you signs. But where are they? When did He show me the way? Maybe I really am THAT naive.
All I can do is be honest with myself. And honestly, I worry about posting this blog because of the whole topic itself. Religion is one of those things you just can't talk about easily with everyone. For that reason alone, I am posting this. It's important to me to be honest. And being honest means being true about everything that is me. Do you have to fall down completely before He lifts you up? Or is that something I just have to figure out on my own?
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