Who are you?

I thought by the time I was 30 I'd know who I am. But as it turns out, I have no idea who that girl is staring be back in the mirror. When I was 24, a life changing event happened that helped to shape the person I am today. Back then, a scared and very sad girl filled a void with drinking and partying and friends. Things happened during that period in my life that I'll never forget... and I'll never regret.

I thought I knew myself then. I thought I knew who I was inside and out. I became happy with me. A confidence I had never known before was in me. I loved the feeling I had about myself and wondered where that was all my life. I knew I could grow out of the deep depression I was in. And I did.

But depression follows me, in one way or another. And every day I fight it. Sometimes it's just stronger than others. And nowadays, I see that same twenty-something girl in the mirror and wonder what happened to her. The girl that was so full of life and so vivacious. Where did she go? Did she just get old? Or did she lose herself again?

Maybe I never found myself. Maybe I learned a little about myself back then but have never really known me. I'm still searching. The pieces don't fit yet, but someday they might. Or maybe I'll forever be looking for answers to who I am. I'm stuck between obsessive compulsive and a hot mess. And I'm a little bit country... and a little bit rock n roll. I've got a part of me that rocks a gypsy soul and another part that wants the finest things in life.

And having all of these "parts" of me just confuses me more. I don't know where I belong. And I don't know who I should be. So for now, I'm just going with what I have... just working with what I've got. And hopefully that's enough. That's all I can wish for. But I keep asking myself "who are you?"...