It has been just one day since we said goodbye to my Poppa... one long hard day. I'm tired and my mind is still scattered. It's difficult to know what to write... how to write about my pain. And I know that if I can just get my thoughts out, maybe I will sleep with some peace tonight.
The past month has been difficult to take. It was exactly 4 weeks ago today that we found out about my grandfather's cancer and 4 weeks of worry and wonder. Worrying about how long we could selfishly keep him and wondering when it would all end. There is nothing more painful in life than watching someone you love so much just disappear... knowing there is nothing at all you can do to help them or anyone else from feeling the pain and sadness that comes along with losing someone.
I hate feeling helpless. I wish I could be there more for my family members. I wish I could take all the pain away from my mom and my grandmother. I know time heals all wounds, and this too shall pass... but it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be quick. And it's not going to go away forever. There will always be times when something reminds me of my Poppa and there will always be pictures of him around. I never want to forget him.
I miss him asking me if he should just lay back and be quiet. I miss holding his hand and listening to him sleep. I miss him.
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