Sometimes I find it hard to express how I'm really feeling. Sometimes I don't.
Tonight I feel a little broken...
I often set myself up for hard times and sadness. And I usually know when it's coming and why it's coming. And it usually has something to do with the fact that I don't let it out before it gets too bad. I think that writing it out in my blog or in my diary helps. But sometimes it's not enough. And when it's not enough, it comes out all wrong, harsh and ugly. I don't know where that happy medium is with coping and dealing. One day I will figure it out. One day I will learn when it's right to vocalize my pain and when to keep it locked down. It's just so ridiculous sometimes. I am so ridiculous sometimes. I feel like I'm not important not as important as other people... friends... family... I feel invisible to myself. Today. Most days.
It should be my day, someday. I know there are things I could do that might make things better. And I know I'm living the life I choose to live. I picked this. I choose this every day. I choose it because it's what I know and what I'm okay with. I choose it because, to me, it feels right.
But I choose it. And I choose to accept my faults and these insane moments that break me. I feel a part of me shattered tonight. But I know that the pieces will glue back together again, just like they always do. Until I break me again...
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