These days, I feel just like this color. I guess it's no wonder why it's one of my favorites. Grey... Paynes Grey. It is so rich and so deep. It's sad and empty. Ill and alone.
The sickness that has taken over my body is slowly leaving me in a state of depression. My grey December is setting up residency as Winter dissolves around me. Not even the sunshine through my window today has awakened my senses. I have slept so much the last week that I didn't think it could be possible to still be sleepy. But I am. I am most comfortable in my flannel pajamas and my cozy bed. And I'm okay with it.
I'm not okay, though, with zero energy and zero smile. Obviously, being sick is nothing to be happy about. But now that it is going away, I should have some happiness about it. Right?! Instead, I'm just blah. And I feel like I'm fighting inside. I'm so aggravated these days. I am conflicted with myself. I say things that I mean... and then a minute later I don't know if I mean them. I don't know where I'm coming from these days. But I know I'm not 100% today. I hope to fall asleep tonight and wake up with a brighter tomorrow.
Sometimes I think I need to get out my paintbrush and a canvas and just see where that takes me. Sometimes I think I should get out my notebook and a pencil and go to work writing. But I always end up empty handed. I end up with a blank canvas and an empty book.
And then I end up with this... a depressing entry into my blog. I've got to find that Cadmium Yellow soon or I'm afraid I might be stuck with Paynes Grey forever.
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