Catch Up...

So this is going to be a quick, brief summary of the last few days. I haven't been blogging because I've been out of town. Friday afternoon, right after leaving work, my family decided to pack a bag and head to the mountains. I know what you're thinking... more snow??? BUT... it was absolutely beautiful in Gatlinburg this past weekend. Sunny and 67 degrees.

We enjoyed two nights in a two bedroom suite, shopping, miniature golf, great food and mountain majesty.

Mom, Nolan, Larea and Dad on top of the mountain

Rea and Nolan enjoying a little race time

He got a "Hole In One" (seriously) on the 18th hole

Me and Rea riding the tram up to Ober Gatlinburg

It was so funny to see people in shorts and tank tops... and then all snow bunnied up on the slopes... at the same place... the same day. LOL.

LOL... Larea loves her Coach purse and wallet.

After a wonderful spontaneous weekend away, it was time to come home. We stopped for dinner in Somerset so we could spend a moment with my brother. 

After that, I came home to Wha Bah and the Kentucky Blues Society... and my best girl.

Overall, it was a wonderful weekend. I'm ready for another weekend of great times and fantastic memories. Bring on this weekend!!

For Mom...

I heard a song on my phone today that made me tear up a little. I had no idea it was on my phone... and I've never heard it before. So... I'm posting the song as a sort of dedication to my mom.

Mom... If you're reading this... I love you with all my heart. Thank you for being my rock always.

Faker

~photo credit~

I just wanted to take this opportunity to say "I HATE FAKE PEOPLE". I do... I am deeply disturbed by something I read tonight while trying to get off of Facebook. I'm not going to mention who it was or what it was about. But... the fact is this... some people really act fake. We KNOW you're being fake. Stop trying to be all buddy-buddy with someone you KNOW you cannot trust. It's so irritating how people will complain about this friend or that friend that they know they cannot depend on and cannot trust. But they act like they're the best of friends in public. To all of those FAKERS out there, just be true to yourself and stop living the lie. You know by now who you can and cannot trust. So stop going on and on with those you can't.

I'm sorry... some things just disturb me. I am very thankful that I've cut ties with most FAKERS in my life and I live a life with true people that I know have my back in any time of need.

Thank you to those of you who aren't fake!

Bubbles, Babies, and Blues...

BUBBLES

~photo credit~

I cannot wait to sink into a steaming hot bubble bath and just melt away my day. Thursdays just seem so long. I guess because I'm always looking forward to Fridays. I cannot think of a more relaxing place to be than in a hot bath with candlelight. Bubble bath + this blog + sleep = one happy girl.

BABIES

There are no new babies in my life to speak of. But... I was posting a photo on my Facebook for my 30 Day Challenge album and thought I'd share this little moment of heaven. This is my all time favorite memory. My first photograph with my nephew. He is my world. I love this little boy more than life itself. And every day spent with him is one more memory added to my long list of favorites. I only have my sister (and the nameless, soul-less bag of crap, aka sperm donor) to thank. So Rea... thank you for giving me the one thing in life that equals all happiness... Nolan.  

BLUES...

~photo credit~

I think I'm in a bluesy mood these days. Not just "blue" as in down... but "blue" as in the musical feeling. My best girl and I have been to a local watering hole two weekends in a row for the Kentucky Blues Society's Blues Jam and I cannot be more into it. These musicians are truly amazing. It's so much more than just playing some notes... it's experiencing the sound and feeling the soul. So until Sunday nights roll around, I'll have to settle for the sounds of soul coming through my phone. I'm off to that bubble bath now...

10 FEET DEEP

I absolutely LOVE the snow. If it's gonna be cold... and it's gotta be winter... then bring on 10 feet of it!! I enjoyed another snow day today. And just like I do every snow day, I spend a lot of time looking outside and enjoying the view. Here are some photos from today... This is so beautiful...

A tree in my front yard. I love it. And when there's snow on it, it's that much better.

I feel like this could be on a holiday card. I just want to walk into the woods there and be among the trees. There's something so peaceful about the snowy woods. It's almost like a dream.

I think the holly trees are so beautiful covered in snow... just those little red berries peeking out.

The snow was a little deep... but obviously not deep enough for this snow angel. I enjoyed making it. AND I marked another thing off my bucket list for 2011.

Several of the trees I got up close and personal with today had bird nests in them. I find these nests so fascinating. What a cozy little home (without the snow that is)...

So... as you can see, I'm not one of those people that will ever gripe and complain about the snow. I have absolutely no problems staying home... staying warm... and enjoying the the beauty of winter. Spring will come... and then Summer will come... But I'm not going to rush it. I just want to enjoy the moment.

Coulda... Woulda... Shoulda...

~photo credit~

You know... it's so easy to say "I should've done that differently" or "I could've been something more" or "I would've been happy if...". But going back to that coulda-woulda-shoulda doesn't help us accept life as we know it. It only makes us wonder "what if". And everybody does it at some point. If they say they haven't they must be lying. I don't have any regrets. There are things I think about that I wish I didn't. And parts of my past that could have been better. But without those parts of me I wouldn't be me. So I could sit around and think about the coulda-woulda-shoulda or I can live my life. I choose to live my life.



Fact or Fiction

~photo credit~

We all tell lies... little lies... or maybe it's just with-holding the real truth. I admit that I claim to be a VERY honest person. But I also keep things to myself. I know, it's hard to believe especially coming from someone who is so vocal about their opinion. But if you ask me how I'm doing on any given day, chances are I'm going to lie to you and tell you I'm doing well. I might be doing well that day or I might be doing horrible. But you'll never know it. Because I lie. I don't lie about important things, though. I guess I'd just rather the world see me as they "WANT" to see me instead of how I really am. Besides... nobody wants to be around a downer all the time... do they?

With that being said... I'm going list some things that are fact about me and some things that are fiction. Here's your chance to get to know the real me... a little...

Fact: I bite my fingernails. I always have. I always will.
Fiction: I have perfect vision.
Fact: I love chick flicks.
Fiction: I hate action films.
Fact: I talk in my sleep. Sometimes to the point that I carry on conversations with myself... LOL
Fiction: I like sleeping alone.
Fact: I love having word search wars.
Fiction: I like rap music.
Fact: I LOVE classic rock music.
Fiction: I like beer.
Fact: My favorite song of all time is Guitar Town by Steve Earle.
Fiction: I sing well.
Fact: I'm not skinny.
Fiction: I am skinny.
Fact: I like wine nights with friends.
Fiction: I am doing good today.
Fact: I'm depressed, but I hide that.
Fiction: I am preppy.
Fact: I paint.
Fiction: I paint well.
Fact: I like to go to bed at 10... even on weekends... LOL
Fiction: I hate getting dressed up.
Fact: I love my family and friends.
Fiction: I dislike snow days.
Fact: I like being just a little different.
Fiction: I like asian cuisine.
Fact: I love dancing in the rain.
Fiction: I'm a morning person.

And with that being said... I'm off to bed. It's past my 10 o'clock bedtime and it's not going to be pretty when I wake up at 5:45 in the morning. So... goodnight... and I leave you with one more fact about me... I like me for me.

Every other day...

Monday, Monday... Can't trust that day...

Those are interesting lyrics. Especially to someone who finds it hard to trust at all. I say that... but I trust my friends completely. And I trust my family completely. But I don't trust every day that passes. I don't live these days to the fullest. Something keeps holding me back. I just have to figure out what it is.

On another note... someone from a few years ago has resurfaced in my life in a completely different role. To be honest, she and I weren't very close. Her husband and my bf (at the time) were best friends. So by default we were friends. I didn't truly value her then... but I have learned that I should have spent a little time and gotten to know her better then. Today, I feel like she and I are much closer and we're only getting closer. She's an amazing, beautiful woman with a vision of life like none other. I value her friendship... and I put complete trust in her. I can only hope that our lives will continue on with each other in them. I hope to visit her really soon... She's an inspiration to me... An inspiration that came when I least expected it, and one that was truly a surprise.

I'm closing this evening by being thankful for all of my friends and family. One of my dearest friends is suffering a really sad loss right now. She's lost a family member. I can only pray for release for her and her family. The release of sadness and the opening of their hearts to understanding. May the Lord walk along beside them until they find a way to move on. Another friend of mine is going through her own issues wanting, looking, needing to find love and affection. I truly hope she knows her worth and never settles for right now... forever. (Mr. Right Now is only meant for right now... lol). I love you all and put you very close to my heart. Lean on me when times are tough... I'm more than happy to be your shoulder to lean on...

A rose by any other name...

So today has been exactly what I'd hoped for... lazy. I spent a good amount of time laying around in my bed watching shows on my DVR. And I spent another good portion playing with my nephew.

He always comes up to see if I'm awake... and then again like twenty million times until I'm fully up and at it. Today, we read books and had tickle wars and even took pictures of each other.

He likes to take pics with my camera... and I'm taking pics with his.

He decided he wanted to take a self portrait.

We tickle in our house... it's fun... let's do it again... :)

But I must say the main highlight of my Sunday night was the Kentucky Blues Society Jam at a biker bar/restaurant in town. Two weeks in a row, my best girl and I have taken a moment out of life to head out and enjoy a drink while soaking in the soulful sounds of blues music. It's such a warming "home" type of feeling. And this is music you just can't "play"... you have to "feel" it...

While listening to this jam session, we got into a discussion about names and meaning and personalities. And I think we have come to a conclusion about ourselves. She goes by Crystal and I go by Tammy or Tamara. We both have that part of us that rocks it out to some great music... that carefree attitude and that gypsy soul. And then we both have a part of us that is more organized and set to a schedule. That planner and thinker instead of the "fly by the seat of your pants" girl that's always dreaming. But it just so happens that she goes by her middle name, Crystal (which is also my middle name) and I go by my first name, Tamara (or Tammy). And we think that the name we go by is also the dominant part of our personality. I long to be more of a dreamer and be more passionate about life and express myself as my soul would want. But I tend to be more structured. I keep a calendar that I go by religiously and I work in a job that's so less creative than I'd want. But I like it. A lot. And I just can't pick up and go. I mean, I pick up and go whenever I want. But I couldn't just pack up and move away like she can. And I think it's because I use my more structure/responsible name. That's my dominant personality. And Crystal uses her dominant personality. So carefree... a rambling rose. So it just makes me wonder... would a rose by any other name smell just as sweet? Or do our names fit our personality??

Finding an escape...

Sometimes you just need an escape. For me, it's usually a long, hot bath by candlelight while drowning in the melody of whatever tunes are circulating on my iPod. I find so much comfort in just steaming away, eyes closed and drifting. I used my "get out of jail free" card too early twice this week and needed another form of escape.

I found that tonight. Dinner and good conversation. It feels good to get dressed up once in a while and go out on the town. My "escape" consisted of great food at a popular restaurant in town. My best girl and I shared drinks and laughter and then dessert. After a week of soul searching, it was nice to just relax and be me.

After leaving dinner, I felt like I should go home... but I also felt like I was all dressed up with nowhere to go. I hate when that happens. I hate when I spend a little time on myself and I don't use it to the best of my ability. It's almost like "what's the point?"... Why do we put so much into "getting ready" if there's no one to enjoy it? I mean... I guess I enjoy feeling pretty. But I'm certainly okay in my yoga pants and cotton ribbed tank. This must go back to the "lazy" part of me. I just don't really get the point in wasting so much time primping myself for nothing.

The night is coming to a close and I've spent a good minute removing the mask and I'm back into my comfy clothes in my comfy bed. Life is good, isn't it?? It's too good at times. And now I'm off to bed where the hum of the aquarium will put me to sleep and the dreams can begin in no time. Pleasant dreams... And thank you to my best girl for some great conversation... I needed this escape tonight...

Gypsies never get tied down...

A friend of mine was talking about airstreams and travel and such... and it brought me back to The Airstream Song by Miranda Lambert. How appropriate to think of this song after the week of soul searching I've had.

***

Sometimes I wish I lived in an Airstream

Homemade curtains, lived just like a gypsy

Break a heart, roll out of town

‘Cause gypsies never get tied down

Sometimes I wish I lived on a mountain

Drank from a stream instead of a fountain

I’d stay there, top of the world

But I was born a red dirt girl

Unbridled or tethered and tied

The safety of the fence or the danger of the ride

I’ll always be unsatisfied

Sometimes I wish I lived by a pier

In a lighthouse with a chandelier

I’d watch everybody’s ships come in

And then I’d sail away with them

Unanchored in the storm

Or safely on the shore

If this is all I need, why do I want more

Sometimes I wish I lived in an airstream

Homemade curtains, lived just like a gypsy

***

The lyrics in this song represent so much of who I am. I can feel it in my soul.

One hand in my pocket...

I'm free but I'm focused. I'm green but I'm wise. I'm hard but I'm friendly baby. I'm sad but I'm laughing. I'm brave but I'm chickenshit. I'm sick but I'm pretty baby...

What a contradiction?! But I understand all of it. I feel all of it. Is this not how we all feel? I always feel like I have one hand in my pocket and the other one's giving a peace sign. I am this song. I am every contradiction this song represents.

It's like I'm hiding something from the world while professing my hope for peace and happiness. And I guess I am sort of doing that. I openly say what I think and how I feel on some topics. But I hide a lot of my true feelings and emotions. I don't know why I can't let it out there. But for some reason, I hide behind a mask... and one that's not as beautiful as the photo.

In a world where people hide behind a facade, how do you know when someone is being real? If I'm smiling on the outside, do people know I'm screaming on the inside? And if they do, why am I still hiding behind the mask?

I don't make new years resolutions, but I do make a yearly "bucket list". That list consists of whatever I can think of that I want to do during that year. It seems like my lists keep getting shorter. But there are also more things getting crossed off that list. I think I'm going to add another one to it for this year... I want to stop hiding behind my mask... get that one hand out of my pocket and throw them in the air and just admit that I'm me. For better and for worse. And for all things in between. This might be the year that I become real. I said before that 2011 just might be my year... so I guess we'll see.

That was then...

That's me... 7 years ago this past Christmas. I was a 24 year old blond girl fresh out of a marriage with sadness on her mind. In the 7 years that have passed, I've grown a lot... and I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that maybe Trevor was right about some things. Maybe I am a little lazy... maybe I could stand to lose a few pounds... maybe I could be a little prettier. But then I've also learned FROM Trevor. Without that time in my life and without his constant nagging for me to be better, I wouldn't be the confused person that I am today.

I often wonder if it's okay to have two personalities fighting to be one. I don't mean that I have multiple personalities. But I mean I constantly go back and forth between the not-so-confident girl who cannot just walk up to a guy and start a conversation and the good-time girl out with her friends that no one can bring down. Not to mention rambling gypsy and the rock soul that I have. I wonder if I'm a lost cause...

This is me just 19 days ago ringing in the new year with my best girl out on the town. I've come a long way since that shy, sad girl with the blond hair. I don't even know who she is anymore. But I know that she's where I came from. She's where I've been. The road has been tough getting to me today. And it's nowhere near perfect. But looking at these two pictures I see major changes... I feel major changes. And even though I can still feel that same hurt and pain I did 7 years ago, I can also see the hope that came from it.

S.T.O.P.

Just STOP already! It's been less than 24 hours and I'm already over this sore throat business. I woke up blah and the day passed... still feeling blah. And then sometime in the afternoon I developed a sore throat. This seriously should not be happening. I really thought I could make it through ONE winter without getting sick. So I'm about to dope up and cuddle down. There's no time for being ill.

Now... off to relax a little with candlelight and maybe some bubbles... and probably something to knock out this cold.

You know... I don't know...

There is so much going on outside my little bubble I call my life, yet I never seem to get too wrapped up in it. People can say I'm ignorant about the world. People could say I'm not up on current events. I think it's more of a choice I've made to not become involved. It's not that I'm not interested in everything going on in the world... it's just that I've gotten to where I'm not interested. I'm tired of all the talk about every problem out there and nothing to fix them. My life is depressing enough without that. Every week, it seems, we get an email through campus where the governor has ordered the flags to be lowered to half mast because of another military death. I'd rather keep them at half mast until the troops come home. So I ignore the emails we receive and just say a silent prayer for the loss. That's just one example of many... I had no idea about the recent shooting. I still don't know much about it except that it happened and it was horrible. I listened to the news briefly but I never got fully involved. Does this make me a bad person? I wonder...

Then there's my life in general. I don't know what's going on with my life. I try to get through each day with a smile on my face. But sometimes that just doesn't happen. I wear down quickly. I don't know if that's some sort of facade or if that's just who I am. I know I hide the real me from everyone. But lately, I've been wondering who the real me really is. When I got divorced years ago, I thought I knew me. I thought I truly had come to terms with who I am. And though I like me for me... I'm not sure I've ever truly found me. I'm still searching for something more... wanting more... needing more of my life to make sense. I just walk through this world blindly... guarded... and mostly sad. The road I'm traveling on seems to be going nowhere fast. I just hope the road signs are visible. Otherwise, I'm destined to stay on this same road alongside this same guardrail still searching for myself. You know?? ... I don't know...

Absolutely Nothing...

Ever have those days when you do absolutely nothing at all. I feel like I've had one of those days today. Apart from doing nothing, I fixed dinner. And not just any boring old Monday night dinner. I made (from scratch) Chicken Parmesan. And not to toot my own horn, but it was damn good!

I'm starting to close out my evening now and relaxation is setting in. I've been a bum this weekend... a cook... a sitter... and a sleeper. I've worked out (a little bit) and I've thought about doing a little cleaning up around here, though it has yet to happen. And I've definitely enjoyed some quality time with my best girl and my little buddy. All-in-all a good weekend. But, it's back to the daily grind tomorrow morning... early.

So now I'm headed to shower and to bed. One more day has come and gone. Let's see what tomorrow holds...

Scatter-brain

Every time I sit down to write on million thoughts start swimming in my head. I'm really hoping that one day I'll get it together and write a worthwhile blog entry. Until then, you're stuck with scatter-brain.

I must admit, though, that I am pretty much scatter-brained all the time. I may be thinking about one thing one minute and that one thing will lead to 12 other things in less than 30 seconds. It's a wonder I get anything out at all.

Speaking of getting out... I went out for a bit again tonight. I don't know how to act being out on the town (somewhat) twice in one weekend. LOL. I spent about an hour or so out at a blues jam with my friend. She and I enjoyed some great music and looked around at the local scenery. One guy in particular caught her eye, but I think I was more into the tunes. Music warms my soul and I can't get enough of it.

I'm closing out the day wondering how my brain slows down long enough to actually fall asleep.

Carpooling and Cupcakes

On the way home from town tonight with my sister, my nephew is yawning and I'm thinking bed sounds good. Then I look at the clock and realize it's 7:49... what the crap?! I mean it's not like I've been up running around all day long non-stop. I need a boost of energy or maybe I need to turn back time a few years to when my energy level was a little higher.

The weather today was beautiful, though I spent the entire day indoors (hahahaha). Breakfast at the community center was the beginning... then carpooling with the family to the tanning bed for "bring a friend tanning"... then meeting up with a good friend for walking, talking, shopping. After arriving home, I ran back into town with my sister and nephew... dinner and cupcakes. Though I must say, we all got a cupcake and not one of us has eaten any of our cupcake. LOL. So I'm not sure what the point was in buying them.

Now I've worked out (not as hard-core as I could have because it's the weekend, right?!) and I'm about to pamper myself with a little "me" time. I'm sure life could be better this... but I'm not so sure it could be much better than this...

p.s. The guy from last night wants a rain check. ;) I think I can handle that.

You're A Little More Flighty...

Does it mean that I'm old when I'm sitting in bed blogging at 11:23 on a Friday night?? In my defense, I just got home from spending some QT with my girl. Beer... Laughter... Conversation... What more could you want?!

Tonight I wondered to myself... "Is it possible for two people to have the same soul?" I seriously think my friend and I share a soul... She's just a little more flighty and I'm a little more grounded. I wish I could be as carefree as she is. And I feel like I'm half-way between responsible/boring and rambling gypsy. And rambling gypsy is definitely more fun.

In practicing my carefree ways, I went out on a limb tonight and did something I probably wouldn't have done without her encouragement. I asked a guy to join us for drinks. LOL. Yes... I know that sounds like the stupidest thing ever. But coming from a girl that NEVER knows when she's being flirted with and NEVER knows how to flirt with anyone else... it's a big deal. It's true... he didn't come. But I don't have a phone number for him so I messaged him through Facebook. And I really don't know if he was working or not. But... still... I did the unthinkable for me.

Oh well... right?! Such is life. I'm beyond tired now and just wish I'd shut this computer down and snuggle in for the night. It just makes me realize that I probably STILL don't know who I really am. Maybe I'll find me one day and all these random puzzle pieces will fit together once and for all!

Sleeping Single In A Double Bed

I just realized that I'm single and have been for 3 years. Not ONCE in those 3 years of being single have I been on a date. NOT ONCE. I began believing that whole nonsense about "people have the exact love life that they want" because I truly think I push guys away. I think I MUST have this huge stamp on my forehead that says "I'M SO NOT INTERESTED". But I'm going to be honest and open up the brick wall right here, right now...

I'm scared. I've been married. I've been divorced. I've been single. I've been in a relationship. And I've been single again. And here I am. Still single.

I don't think I'm desperate to find love. And that's probably one reason why I haven't found it. My most recent ex's birthday is today. Which is why I realized I've been single for 3 years this month. I have lost faith in love and relationships. And I don't really know that I'll ever have faith in it again.

How do you get over it and learn to trust your heart with someone again? I just don't know if I can. And if I can't, I'm afraid I'll be destined to be the old lady on the corner with a million cats. For now, I'm sleeping single in a double bed...

Lost In Translation

It's the end of the second Thursday for the year 2011. I'm sitting at the kitchen table dwelling over the past 24 hours and waiting on a huge chocolate cake to cool so I can slap a little frosting on it and call it a night. Rubbing my face I realize my eyebrows REALLY need a little attention and my hard-core work out didn't quite happen tonight. In fact, I feel pretty yuck after a day of eating whatever. I logged it all anyway and still came in under my daily caloric intake. Now... I'm not a dieter. I've never truly dieted and I never will. It took me a long time to get where I am now... a long and painful time. But here I am. And I can honestly say I look in the mirror and am okay with what I see staring back at me. No I'm not skinny. No I'm no athletic by any means. And no, I'm not beautiful. But... I can be honest with myself. And I can accept myself for the full figured woman that I am. How many women can truly look at themselves in the mirror and be fine with what they see??

The mirror today has been clouded with the fast pace of life and people around me. If you know anything about me, you know that this whirlwind happens continuously. There is always something going on. For instance... my mother called me this afternoon and asked me if I would bake a cake tonight for a work colleague's birthday tomorrow. Naturally I said yes. So here I am at 9:49 baking a cake that will have cockroaches on it. Yes... I said it... Cockroaches. I'll post a pic tomorrow of that disaster!!

Speaking of disaster... What is up with this crap about new horoscopes?? I am what I am... a Taurus... and I'm not changing it!! To hell with what all those idiots say... why after a zillion and fifteen years do we need to go changing it?? And Lord knows I'm okay with change. I'm just not okay with this!

Another disaster is me... What a horrible friend I am?! That's how I feel anyway. Explanation: One of my dearest friends is in a predicament. She desperately longs for love and happiness for herself and her girls. A situation presented itself recently and she's wanting to go for it. But I feel like I am bringing her down by being real about the situation. I feel bad about my honesty. But then again I don't. I do not apologize for being honest. I want my friend to be truly happy. I want her to find someone that deserves her love and will love her the way she deserves to be loved. It just frustrates me that she sells herself short because she needs that love and affection immediately. I want the best for her and I hope she realizes she is truly worth more than what she sees in her mirror.

So... now... with that being said. My cake has fallen in the middle and I'm still sitting here blogging away my boredom. Somewhere life has become a complicated mess and I got lost in translation...

Missing Wednesday

Somehow, as the days pass by, I lose Wednesday. I don't know what happens to it... I don't know where it goes. But it goes somewhere. I woke up to the foghorn sounds of my alarm clock at 5:45 and quickly hit snooze, just praying for a 2 hr delay again this morning. I punched the button on my phone to check my emails to see if anything had come through from campus. But there it was... nothing. Just as I'd become mentally awake enough to go ahead and get up, that email came. CLOSED. How nice is a snow day for an adult?? Every time there's a delay or an unexpected day off, I just snuggle back into the pillows and envelope myself in comfort. Snooze.

I was lucky today. I got the chance to spend a day with the best thing in my life. As you can tell from the photos below, we had a good time. And he was so good for me. I couldn't have asked for a better snow day. And I don't care what other people think, I love the snow. I love a snow day. I love that unexpected moment off to just be me.

It's just so sweet... this little boy I love so much. He holds my heart... and I wonder if I'll ever love my own children as much as I love him. So... I just hug him up whenever I can and relish in the moments we have together. Just like today...

After a while, I log onto my laptop and sink myself into a "ME" moment. The county schools have already reported closings for tomorrow and I've already given my all to the nightly routine of hard-core working out. Someone downstairs is punishing my good efforts at being healthy by baking cookies and the aroma has drifted up two floors. And as I watch the President give his speech I realize that another Wednesday has come and gone.

Peace, Love & 30 Something...

Life is never as it seems. Each day that passes is like a new beginning. Except I don't take it like that. I usually rush through the day busy with work and then wonder what happened to my chance... that chance to see things in a new light, to be someone else, to be who I'm supposed to be. But then I wonder... who am I supposed to be if not me?

I'm a complete mess most of the time, but you wouldn't know it by just looking at me or even talking to me. The real me isn't someone that makes an appearance very often. She's not as confident as she appears to be on a great night out with girlfriends. And she's not a beautiful as some of her photos make her out to be. But she's me... and I'm real.

I'm taking this opportunity to blog me for me... a sort of fairytale that I'm living as a 30-something single girl in Kentucky. I don't know where I'm going but I can remember MOST of where I've been. And I can be hopeful in my journey along the path of life that always leads me home...

Cheers... to wishful thinking...