Shuffle

Shuffling on my iPod while trying to get my thoughts in order for bed, a song came on that took my breath away. And I realized that we buried one of the greatest men I've ever known just one short month ago. I knew earlier this week (Tuesday) that it was the one month anniversary of the passing of my grandfather and we spent that night with my grandmother. It was just some of the granddaughters and our grandmother playing cards and sipping hot cider. I think it was good to be together.

And I knew it had been one month, and I was okay. Then that song played and I've broken down. I don't think I will ever be able to listen to these gospel songs (mainly "In The Garden" and "How Great Thou Art") again without thinking of him and breaking down. I miss him so much. I have recordings of him talking to us just a few days before he passed; I haven't been able to listen to them. It's so hard to look at his pictures and remember what his hand felt like in mine.

I think it's hard to know how much a person means to you until they are gone from your life. I wish so much that he was still with us. I know he is looking down on us, even me, right now and I know he doesn't want us to hurt. That's the last thing he wanted... for us to hurt. I just have to learn how to deal with these songs when I hear them. Music has always been the gateway into my soul... And my soul loves wholeheartedly... completely...