When You Need Someone To Lean On

There comes a time when you start listening to your mom. Have you gotten there yet? I mean, I used to be horrible! I had such a smart mouth on me (I know you are saying, "NO! Not you!!" but for real... I did). My mom was the queen of the backhand. If I smarted off to her, she was real quick to put me in check. And then there was that belt. Oh. My. Goodness. You know you got whipped when you were little (and if you didn't, you probably needed to be whipped... just sayin'). My mom had this belt made of velcro that she wore with her work uniform. That thing was thick and it made the most God-awful sound when it was coming out of her belt loops (SWOOOSH.... flop, flop, flop, flop, flop). But seriously, mom meant business.

She grounded me one time. ONE time in my entire life and it was for sneaking out. I was in high school. I LIVED on the phone. I mean that phone was stuck to my ear all day, every day. When she grounded me, the only thing I had to do was stay away from the phone. I think it was for only one day, too. I couldn't even do that. Seriously. I got caught on the telephone that evening and all she had to do was give me one look. I knew the disappointment in her eyes and I knew I never wanted to see that again.

That isn't the only time I chose not to listen to her. I know I have completely disregarded what she said so many times that I could never really count them. But with every passing year, I find myself following her every word. At some point in our lives, we figure out that maybe mom DOES know best. Maybe mom really is looking out for our best interests. Maybe mom just really loves us and wants us to be okay. For many people, that time never comes or maybe when that time does come it is too late. I am so happy that I figured it out early on.

Today, my mother is my best friend. I talk to her about everything and nothing at all. She is everything I could ever hope to be. My mom hung the moon (I know you might think yours did, but you're wrong. My mom did... LOL). I believe that in time we all become some version of our parents. I really and truly hope that is right. Because both of my parents are really amazing people and if I never became anything else in this little life of mine, being their daughter would be more than enough.

Mom... I love you so much more than any card or song could describe. You amaze me every day with your patience and kindness and your everlasting love. Happy Mother's Day!

Liars, Cheaters, and General Idiots

I find that it is usually too late in any relationship by the time you realize someone is lying to you, cheating on you, or is just an idiot in general. By the time things of this nature surface, you have already invested too much time, energy, and emotion to just walk away. The drama that is associated with these types of behavior escalate the longer you know someone. It seems like the feelings you might have overrule what your brain tells you as right or wrong. We all know lying is wrong. Cheating is wrong. It isn't fun for anyone. Well... I guess that isn't true. I guess those who lie and cheat have fun at it, otherwise they wouldn't continue. Or would they?

I've recently discovered a few of these situations in my own life. Maybe not to me personally, but they exist around me and wreak havoc for those around me. In one situation, I was awakened by a friend and their significant other to discuss whether or not I was involved with that friend intimately. Thinking about being angry about being awakened in the middle of the night, I wanted to snap their heads off for being so ridiculous. So the topic is brought up about checking the other person's phone for anything that might be odd or suspicious. And I guess I was the only thing suspicious in that phone. Really?! That is why I am called to the stand? After answering the absurd questions about my friendship and being accused of something, I made it a point to tell them both that they need to pay more attention to each other and if that happened there would be no reason to go through the other person's phone for "evidence."

There are other situations I could go into, but those cannot be vague enough to post here. I have no way of masking other situations without putting the whole true real story out there. Just know that it makes no sense.

People make life so ridiculous because they cannot live up to the lies they themselves have started. I'm sure this is all a little too vague to be interesting, but it makes perfect sense. If you lie, if you cheat... you will be found out about. I do not understand how this minor detail is not a concern at all.

Another thing that really gets me fired up is the fact that people say they lie to keep from hurting someone. How does that make sense at all? If you are a liar, please... comment below and tell me HOW that makes any sense at all. Because I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with a solution to this issue.

And then there is the general idiot. You know who they are. They are the ones that continue to let these things happen to themselves. They are the ones that allow the lying and the cheating to go on because they are either too scared to be alone, too blinded to see it happening, or too embarrassed to cause a scene about it. I have been that idiot. I do not like being that idiot. And I refuse to let that happen to myself anymore. I just wish other idiots like me would wake up and realize that life is so much better without that drama. It is better to be alone in this world of relationships than to be made a fool.

Hope Floats

You know you've seen it. That Sandra Bullock movie... You know the one... she is told her husband is having an affair with her best friend on a talk show that's made to look like Ricki Lake?! The one where she goes back home to Texas or Oklahoma or somewhere all broken hearted and down on love. Where she meets up with an old friend and learns that she still has feelings inside of her that matter. She learns that she matters... and hope floats.

Well, this is sort of like that... but not.

I've been a little lost in myself for a while now. I'm not sure why. I wake up in the morning with myself. I go to bed every night with myself. But somewhere along the way, I lose sight of what is important to me. These days, I'm not sure what that is.

I have hope, though. Just like Sandra Bullock in that classic chick flick. She lost hope in life. She lost hope in becoming someone her daughter could be proud of. She lost hope in herself. But in the end, she found hope again. And she was willing and ready to let it fly. I think I am ready to fly. I just need to push through and find the hope that's waiting for me.

What Were You Thinking?

I thought I would take a nice little vacation and relax. I thought I would wander the streets a little and look at the lights. I thought I would have a couple of drinks and pull a few slots. I thought I would lounge by the pool and take in the sunshine. I was wrong.

Las Vegas is just NOT a place where you sit back and relax. Las Vegas is a place filled with fun and adventures. Around every corner was a new person to meet, someone else to talk to. Around every hotel/casino was another hotel/casino. The memories made will last forever.

Once I got home, I thought I could just take a nap and recuperate from the week of wild, crazy fun. What was I thinking?! I'm still exhausted from my vacation. I cannot seem to get in enough sleep... or enough water. I keep saying I'm going to go to bed early, but I have yet to have that happen. Maybe tonight. Maybe.

Breaking Point

Sometimes we reach a point in our lives when we just can't take things anymore. Sometimes it happens more than once to us. Actually, more often than not it happens more than once. Life happens. We get wrapped up in everything that is going on around us and we find it hard to cope. We have trouble just getting through the day. And we expect our friends to be there for us and help us through it.

A close friend of mine is going through a really hard time right now and I want more than anything in the world to be there with her to help her through it. Family matters are at the heart of her troubles, but I know how strong she is - even if she doesn't - and I know what she can handle. Though this time, things were a lot harder than they ought to be. I'm trying to be there for her as much as I can, but also not smother her.

Friendships are a balancing act. You have to know how much to give and how much to take in order for it to work properly. One person cannot always be the giving person. One person cannot be the one to listen to every problem without wanting to listen to the other's problems. One person cannot run the entire relationship. And when you're dealing with this kind of friendship (you being the giver) you cannot just keep everything to yourself. You can't constantly listen to your friend's troubles without expecting them to listen to your own... even when you think your troubles aren't a big deal. They are.

Am I making any sense?? I guess what I'm getting at is we all have things going on in our lives and we all need our friends. And the ones that need us the most are the ones out there asking for help, but you're not seeing it because you're too busy worrying about yourselves. Sometimes it's nice to be asked how we are doing. Even when we normally say we're fine, we need those friends that can look past that "I'm doing fine" crap to see that something is wrong. We all need friends that care about us... truly care about us.

I guess what I'm getting at (through all of this nonsense) is that we all need to pay a little more attention to our friends and we all need be givers in those friendships.

And this is why...

Situation 1: Girl meets boy. Boy says he's crushing on girl. Girl feels good about it. Boy stops talking to her. Girl gives up on boy because she finds out boy has girlfriend. Boy meets girl's friend. Boy says he's crushing on friend. Girl stays single. Boy is stupid.

Situation 2: Girl meets boy. Boy says he likes girl. Girl thinks she might give him a chance. Boy sends obscene photo and expects girl to swoon over it. Girl stays single. Boy is stupid.

Situation 3: Girl meets boy in high school and thinks he is a jock. Boy acts like girl doesn't exist. Girl meets boy several years later. Boy likes girl. Girl feels like he's ridiculous for liking her. Girl acts like he's kidding and ignores him but asks him out anyway. Boy doesn't take her up on offer.  Girl stays single and feels stupid. Boy is stupid.

Situation 4: Girl meets boy. Boy says he likes girl. Girl and boy start dating. Boy and girl break up. Boy starts living with new girl. Boy expects old girl to still be there for him. Girl is single... and stupid for considering it. Boy is stupid.

Situation 5: Girl meets boy. Boy is several years younger than girl. Boy thinks he's hot and special because he plays a guitar. Girl thinks he's pretty cool. Boy dates someone else but expects girl to be his "friend" anyway. Girl ignores boy and his ridiculous requests. Boy gets mad at girl for ignoring him. Girl is single. Boy is stupid.

What is up with the whole dating scene these days? Yeah, I get that there really isn't a dating scene anymore and that most people are just "hanging out" and "hooking up." They say romance is still out there, but I haven't seen it. In fact, I don't know who "they" are. And I don't really know what this "romance" is they speak about. I haven't seen it. I know I have been single for a real long time now and maybe I just need to get back into the scene to see what it's all about. But really... this is what you give me?! These are my options?? Really?? And this is why I'm still single...

SWF

Single white female seeking single white male... or single white female... someone to hang out with and get me off my lazy bum. Anyone out there? Any takers?

I'm learning just how old I really am these days. I have the desire to go out and dress up and have a good time, but I have no desire to get up and actually do it. I mean, it's 9:14 on a Friday night and I'm at home. I'm single! I should be out painting the town red. But I'm perfectly content hanging at home watching a movie or taking a hot bath. I could totally go to bed any time. I know... it's pathetic.

Is this normal? Is it normal for a 30-something single girl to want to just hang out at home on a Friday night? I mean, I'm dressed. My hair is done - and it looks somewhat decent. I'm even wearing makeup. WHAT?! Yeah... you know how it is. (Honestly, I came home from work determined to figure out this whole "curl-your-hair-with-your-flat-iron-thing" but it didn't really work out for me. I had the big hair thing going so I had to do something with it. Hence the makeup. Anyway...)

So what do I do now? How do I get out of the funk? I mean, yeah... it would help if I had single girlfriends to go out with from time-to-time. At my age, most girls are married and/or have children already. I don't have either. (That is not my attempt at a pity party... LOL) I enjoy being single and not having certain responsibilities. So I guess I need to figure it all out. I need to figure out how to mesh the "home-life" with the "party-girl" or "good-time-girl" that's still inside me. Hmmm... any suggestions??